So, how many hours should it take to get 4 pieces of lawn furniture together?  

(and excerpt from June’s Newsletter)

For those of you that want to get right to the “knitty-gritty” on the show schedule, here’s what we are up to this week.  It’s quite a week.  A reason we bought new patio furniture to collaps on once the shows are over. 

Those of you curious of Zen and the art of assembly, by all means…read on after the schedule!  🙂

Wed. a double header (starts with a BANG!) We will be opening for the “Pole Cats” @ Live after 5 (approx. 5:15-5:45) downtown Boise on the Grove!

Then off to Smoky Mtn. Pizza in Eagle from 7-9

Thursday at a new venue “Busters” off of Broadway  7-10pm

Friday a Private Party

Sat. a wedding

Sunday a Sue Koman benefit that YOU are invited too, BBQ, great prizes and a good cause.
All details about the shows you can find here on our calander with links and everything!

Click  http://blazeandkelly.com/calendar-of-events/

Next week is Botanical Gardens Concert Series Thurs. the 28th!  Yay!

Now onto that patio furniture story for those who share the frustration of cheaply made things you pay too much money for here in America! We’ve been talking about getting some new “digs” for our back yard patio.  The ones we’ve had for the past 7 years was a hand me down from my sister and the pieces where shedding.  Not to mention, the squirrels did a number on the cushions.  Most of the batting is up in the tree, providing wonderfully for their nest.
The fat and happy squirrel stretches out on the tree limb gazing down, laughing at me.  Plotting it’s plan to attack our new furniture when big dog Osa is off duty.  While making coffee one morning, I looked out the back window to see this little rodent cheek a yard of batting after ripping apart the cushions.  Stuffing it’s face it looked like a kid in a marsh mellow eating contest with green batting foaming out the mouth.

So, the torn cushions was part of our motivation and also the frames were shedding and who knows, on a day when I was really full from one of Mo’s mighty burritos, I could collaps one of these chairs.  (She makes 10 lb. burritos…the size of an infant baby!)

We of course check into different places and yes, Craig’s List too.  I’m sure I’ll get a dozen people to respond and say,  “I could have GIVEN you our furniture had I known”…but it’s too late.  The damage is done and I should know to ALWAYS ask my listeners questions regarding stuff like this…my bad.  So, thank you in advance to  your response, be we are invested now.

We go to the department store (of which we will not mention…why should they get free advertising for selling cheaply made stuff!?)  After 3 shows in 2 days we are collapsing at the store…checking things out…truly relaxing.  We had lots of people walk by, and many who stopped that wanted to do the same but were off on their shopping agenda.  It’s of course a toss up between two styles so we go get some other things and let the decision roll around in our heads and agree…”O.K. this one”.  Yep…agreeing is nice, and we usually agree about most things thank God.

We take the mere 138 pound box home!  All of that fit s in this box and dare we try to lift it out of the truck? Nope!  Part of Zen mastery of lawn furniture…let it REST where it is and bend as necessary.  I’m serious…bend the hell out of it!  Those screws don’t fit…and the holes aren’t lined up.  The guy that drilled the original holes was asleep or hungover on a Monday talking to his friend on the job!  I attempted the task myself, it took me 2 hours to put one chair together!  And I’m GOOD at stuff like that!
The chinsey allen screw that they give you is made of a metal that will flake eventually, which is why they give you 3. But no extra screws mind you, if you lose it in the grass, your toast. The whole thing is a set up…a test.  There should be a real life TV show based on putting crap like that together.  You’ll see the dynamics of the relationship form before your eyes.  Kind of like watching a couple back a trailer up at a camp ground.  The guy is in the driver seat yelling at his wife…she’s trying to direct him and yelling back at him.  It’s hilarious!    You need a stiff drink to help your patience along and if you are like me…from New Jersey…there is a whole slew of limited Neanderthal vocabulary that we call around this house hold as “truck driver talk”.
I kept it together, but was amazed at what a pain in the butt it was!  Letting go, acquires a sense of humor.  We get attached to our goal.  We figure, o.k. we’ll have this up to sit in it by dinner time.  No such luck.  4 hours the first night, and hour last night and I still haven’t put the table up.  The Zen of it all is…don’t sweat the small stuff.  I will put that damn table up when I’m good and ready…plain and simple…it’s frustrating as hell.  No amount of mind altering substance could make a task like that better, only the sheer release of bitching about such a task.  Which has led me to now.  You people are providing me with the levity to “take on the TABLE!”  The last of the lawn furniture!  I mean, it looks great and is comfortable…but man, the way it is put together!  It could be a pre-test for a psychological diagnosis!  For those of you old enough, think of Pink Panther and the lawn chair that would not remain open.  Think of Mo holding this metal chair leg and me pushing to align the screw and then the damn washer falling in the grass.  Now listen to the truck driver talk…you get the picture?  The whole time I’m laughing as well cause it’s truly ridiculous.

So, pick a time when you have the patience to be annoyed as hell.  It really makes you wonder how things like that get built.  Buy American would be best, but do they sell American made stuff like that?  Probably not.  I had a hunch it might be a bugger to assemble, listen to your gut.  If you can, buy the demo on clearence, save yourself hours of frustration.  We should have had one of you run over here with a video camera to film it, perhaps America’s Funniest Video would have given us a prize.

This story is to be continued.  The table is the last to go…so far it’s 5 hours and counting!!!  Breath deeply, laugh loudly, swear, get up and pet the dog, let it rest, come back when you are ready, don’t go at it alone and hug your partner or friend after successfully putting it together and giving it the sit test!  And to the squirrels, does anyone have a pellet gun they’d like to get rid of?  Ha!  (Just kidding squirrel lovers!)